Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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