Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
