i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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