Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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