I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Enjoy the penises
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
