Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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