I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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