I got chris browned last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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