My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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