You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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