If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
