What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
