You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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