do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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