So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
