its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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