remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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