We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
