I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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