i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
