I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
