There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
