Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
