i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
