'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
