I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
