He told me they were just razor bumps!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
