are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
