Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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