I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
