New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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