My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm going to jail i love you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
