Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
