im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
