Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is the high leading the old right now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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