I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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