Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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