Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
