We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
