fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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