I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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