Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
