Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
