don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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