Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
People in love make me want to vomit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
