it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
