What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
