VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
