Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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