I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
