I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
