the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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