i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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